Has Anyone Seen My Old Friend John?

If you see him, say hello.........and see that his hair still flows down his breast - for that is the way I remember him best.

My friend John, probably known by now as Johnny Thunder, has embarked on a 2 week journey to a land best known for their swimsuit models, meatballs, and massages. It'll be an interesting trip to say the least, but one that will be fruitful in many ways I'd presume.

Unfortunately, in the dust he's left a bored work day for your humble narrator. And a bored America really. I mean, I'm sure in at least some way he's wondering if anything crazy is occurring in his absense.....as if he was the tie that binds this great experiment of a country. I mean, Karl Rove quit. The U.S. has slipped to 41st in the world in life expectancy. Preseason Football has started.

I mean, who wouldn't be in a rush to hurry back home to the states. America is going to hell in a handbasket......coincidentally a saying I learned this week is one of the hardest to track down its origin. Most are easy to come by - but no one can pinpoint that hell in a handbasket.......quite the varying opinions.

I should've gotten to fly on the company private jet tomorrow......i'm still surprised I'm not. Instead though, I'll take the bus to work and bus home. I'm gonna say that's about as opposite and a days transport could vary.

The Voice of Reason

So - i've been living life as a full time bachelor with the special lady friend out west.......this is the first such venture in over a year. The notion of doing whatever you want and being able to unwind in the quiet is always very appealing to me. But after about a week - you realize that really just involves drinking more beer than normal - eating way worse than normal - and spending more time listening to music and messing around on the CPU.

Where have you gone George Clooney - our nation's bachelor's turn their weary eyes to you? Show us a way to age gracefully into bachelordom........though with the understanding that your looks, money, fame and overall charisma aren't options for the masses.

The idea of mid-life bachelorhood seems to be this whole "grass is greener" opium induced dream for so many attached men. Problem being - I'm not sure what exactly it brings to the table, outside of a little weekend strange from time-to-way to damn long in between - time.
Have you been to a bar filled with upper 20's/low 30's single crowds lately? If so - I have a feeling you will have a look on your face not disimilar to Alex, our humble narrator, from Clockwork Orange.

So to say the least, I'm happy with my current lot in life. And I find no reason to long being single or alone more. I'll take my weekly man-day every Sunday and that will be just fine my friends.

I hope my friend John can find his writing voice........the more he writes, the worse his voice gets. Its like the inverse of wine.......more like goat's milk cheese; in terms of growing better with age. But he's always cast a wide net............and he always will.

And for that, I'm eternally grateful.

T.A.R.C. Sandwich

TARC.....as in Transit Authority of the River Cities.

Yeah, so I'm just fessing up - I've chosen my transportation of choice for the new job and it begins and ends with the bus. And even crazier is that I love it.

I can't help but wonder as I ride how the bus has gotten such a bad rap over the years. I mean, the subway is "cool", the monorail is "cool", the "L" is "cooL".

But when you say you ride the bus people kind of think quietly in their head, wondering A) what is wrong with that person and/or B) what kind of gambling/drug addiction have they developed to put them in a place financially where this is necessary.

But I'm trying to change that perception. One ride at a time. With my stylish business casual gear and ipod nano - I'm bringing the yuppie back to the bus. And you know what? It feels pretty good. It's like being chauferred around town on the cheap with 20 of your best friends.....except that you don't know these people and half of them look crazy and yell out things to nobody in general. On second thought - not too different from my current friend set.

My friend Kier says that I've lessened by eco-footprint and for that I should feel good.

And for that - I will ride the bus in style, with pride, and with both eyes open. Because as I stand at the Edgeland and Bardstown stop waiting for the 17 to arrive at 8:10 in the AM - I can't help but think, "I'm wide awake, and its morning". If only it didn't take me so long to arise from my slumber.........

What's A Couple of Inches Between Friends?

Well - all moved into the new pad. I don't wish that upon anyone. I mean, and it wasn't even that bad. Moving is just something that sucks to do and will always suck to do. I can now understand why people end up staying in their home for 50 years or something......nothing to do with the love and memories of the home, all about the strife of moving.

My friend John is going to be forced to move out of his apartment for a smorgasbord of financial, emotional, and spiritual issues. I can't imagine living out in the big city - a place where dreams can turn to nightmares quicker than a meth lab explosion and and vice versa. Either way - I'm pulling for the big guy and I know he'll come out on top of this real thing - that I call life.

So that's it really - first day of the new job was system standard, only time will tell. Man though - that week off really put things into persepective as far as how much work sucks even if you like it, but I digress.

As for the title of this post, it means nothing; it just randomly came to me yesterday and I thought it would be a funny line in a lackluster college-male type film romp, where a dude convinces a too-hot-for-him chick to sleep with him because he's claimed his hog is huge and unlike anything she's experienced.

It probably would draw moderate laughs at best.

Rubs and the like

I'm looking for a good chicken rub........marinades are for shit from what I heard from the man on the TV the other day. The bird won't take the juices - and if he does, it'll burn. My friend John says I need to pound the bird, but that's his answer for everything! He also thinks there's sugar in beer apparently. We just kind of let him operate in his own orbit if you get my drift.

I quit my job today......starting a new job Monday. I hate quitting jobs - just all the hoopla and stress. I mean, you obviously shouldn't give a shit because you're leaving - but you always do. And you always feel guilt - even when its apparent you shouldn't.

So i think my rub will consist of sugar, olive oil, mustard, and some other stuff.
And my new job will consist of some new form of bullshit that'll I'll grow tiresome off.

Such is life and such is the game of rubs.

In The Future When All's Well

This post's title comes from a Morrisey song or the Smiths.......my friend John really likes his/their shit sound and overall awful fucking music. Me, not so much.

Banter is defined as rambling, playful and friendly conversation. That's what I will try to do I suppose. There is really no need to think I shant.

I've completed my trifecta of ulcer inducing worry today and feel like a new man. That would be new job, proposal for marriage, and new place of shelter. I'm sure I'll find a new trifecta, possibly superfecta of worry within the fortnight.

Until then though - I'll be walking around town with my head held high.....like a young George Clooney.